Sunday, August 9, 2009

Job hunting = tears for sure

So I have spent the better part of the past three hours online, looking at potential jobs (while I'm working at the moment, my current job has nothing to do with my expensive degree and is quite dull. Plus, it means I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn four days out of the week, which I am SOOO not about).

Undergoing this long, exhaustive search has made me realize a few things, which in turn have made me feel rather depressed:

1. I have no real work experience, and as such, nothing to offer. My internships at newspapers are great experience for a newspaper job, but since my options are extremely limited there, that experience ends up being good for nearly nothing.

2. My degree was a big waste. What did I spent four years and over $100,000 on when I can't find a job related to what I want to do? Or find a job where at least I put that degree and all that damn money to use?

3. I am totally fucked. I watched "Julie & Julia" last night, and there was a point in the film where Julie, the modern character, realizes she's turning 30 and never became the writer she aspired to be. In fact, she hadn't really done anything, and was working as (basically) a telemarketer for the government. I realized that I don't want to turn into that person at all -- I don't want to wake up in seven years and realize that I'm still working the same job that has nothing to do with what I desire to do. It's quickly becoming my biggest fear and each day I feel as though I'm getting closer and closer to that nightmare.

I know I'm being melodramatic and that things will work out, and that in spite of everything, I should be thankful that I at least have a job, regardless of what it is. But it's really easier said than done to sit back and tell myself that everything will be fine when I just feel like hyperventilating and freaking out -- night after night.

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