Kerouac-like lines

Yesterday was my first day as a real, paid journalist (not counting last summer's paid internship in San Antonio), and I have to say, it was rather uneventful. As I don't have a login ID yet, I couldn't access a computer, and as such, spent the day wasting time and trying to reach as much actual print as possible. I know, it's crazy to think that a modern-day journalist didn't actually stare at a screen for eight hours. It was nice just to be able to take in the newsroom and its operation before being thrown to the wolves.

Fast-forward to today, when I had some assignments and ended the day feeling like a complete failure. Seemingly simple things (two 8" briefs) took me about three and a half hours to write. Along the way, I realized a few things:

* I am rusty, and I mean RUSTY. A cooper fork left on a Seattle home's front porch is probably in better shape than my writing. My sentence structure was awkward, I was having hella trouble trying to find the flow of the story, and I'm not going to even mention my leads. I tried channeling John Kupetz and his mighty green pen for the afternoon, but it didn't get me very far.

* I am easily distracted. I remember when I first started writing for the Daily that my Devo editor Sheila recommended all of us Devo writers to come into the newsroom to write our stories. I recall finding it hard to concentrate with all the buzz going on around me. Today, I felt like that old 18-yr-old Marcy on the Norris 3rd floor, trying desperately to drown out the sounds of police scanners, reporters buzzing about arrested teachers and editors coming and going from their meeting to re-arrange Page 1. It was hard to get used to then, I hope this time around it's not.

* I have very little recollection of AP Style. In fact, I had to go out to Barnes and Noble this afternoon and buy a new stylebook, because I have absolutely no idea where my old one is. It's quite sad, really, I had little notes in the old one and highlights. Not to mention all the sentimental attachments I had to it. Same with my missing dictionary.

* NAHJ's mission to diversify newsrooms is extremely important. In my newsroom, I am the minority. Not only am I one of five females in the newsroom (including editors, designers and copy editors) but I am also the youngest reporter. And, of course, the only non-white person in the entire newsroom. Granted, it's small (about 25-30 people) but I still had that feeling of "awkward" when you go somewhere and realize you kind of stick out like a sore thumb. Everyone is extremely nice and helpful, and in no way has this been an issue or even discussed, but I feel it on a personal level. And it's yet another thing for me to get used to.

I know I have quite a huge learning curve ahead of me, and I'm starting to doubt whether or not I can handle this. Not to say that I think I'll sink -- I know I can keep myself afloat. But I'm starting to wonder how many fuckups the paper's willing to take before they can someone.